


Harry Potter Song Parodies (aka "Filks")

by JadeFalcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Classic Rock, Comedy, Country & Western, Country Music, Crack, Filks, Folk Music, Funny, Gen, Harry Potter - Freeform, Multi, Music, Music Parodies, Music Parody, Musical References, Other, Parody, Rock and Roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-10 19:57:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 5,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4405454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeFalcon/pseuds/JadeFalcon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are a bunch of song parodies that I wrote between 2003 and 2005, when Harry Potter was at the height of its popularity.  At the time, I was working Graveyard Shift for a Security Company in Portland, Oregon; down in Terminal Six on a piece of property rented by Ford and Nissan, but owned by the Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad.  The nights were LONG and incredibly BORING.  I used to take my old Laptop with me on a nightly basis.  I didn't have internet access at the time, so I would just listen to music and type whatever came to my mind.  It was VERY lonely, and this was one of my few escapes.</p><p>For those who don't know, Filks are song parodies using re-written lyrics of popular tunes.  More specifically, they are song parodies that focus on specific Fandoms.  In this case, Harry Potter.</p><p>DISCLAIMER: All the songs in this work are owned by the listed Musicians.  The author of this page assumes NO ownership or financial claim from posting therein.  The songs written in this project are meant purely for entertainment purposes only.  No copy-write infringement is intended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bad Potions ("Dead Flowers" by the Rolling Stones)

**Author's Note:**

> All songs here in this "story" will have links to the original song in YouTube. Each song will be in its own chapter.
> 
> Each chapter will have the title of the Filk, and the title of the original song next to it in (parenthesis).

Song Link (open link in new window/tab):

["Dead Flowers" by The Rolling Stones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YRdxHHFKvQ)

Well I see ya sitting there,  
In your favorite Leather Chair,  
Talking bout the rich folks…  
Your dad knows…  
Well I hope you won’t tease me,  
In the company of Weasley,  
You know I’ll just punch you; break your nose.

(Chorus):  
Knock me out, Draco Malfoy, try to knock me out,  
I know you think you’re the King of Slytherin House,  
You can send me bad potions during Breakfast,  
Send me bad potions by the Owl Post,  
Send me bad potions to my Common Room,  
And I won’t forget to go dancing on your grave.

Well I see ya sitting back,  
Smirking at me in potion’s class,  
Making bets on who’s winning the next game,  
I know your Death Eater ties,  
And all of your bullshit lies,  
When you die things here won’t be the same.

(Chorus):  
Knock me out, Draco Malfoy, try to knock me out,  
I know you think you’re the King of Slytherin House,  
You can send me bad potions during Breakfast,  
Send me bad potions by the Owl Post,  
Send me bad potions to my Common Room,  
And I won’t forget to go dancing on your grave.  
All right…

(Chorus):  
Knock me out, Draco Malfoy, try to knock me out,  
I know you think you’re the King of Slytherin House,  
You can send me bad potions during Breakfast,  
Send me bad potions by the Owl Post,  
Send me bad potions to my Common Room,  
And I won’t forget to go dancing on your grave.  
No, and I won’t forget to go dancing on your grave.


	2. Beer For My Dragons ("Beer For My Horses" by Toby Keith)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Beer For My Horses" is the property of Toby Keith. This parody is purely for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made off of this parody, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

Click title to open song in new window/tab:

["Beer For My Horses" by Toby Keith](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc8MJFkPIMM)

 

Dumbledore comes in the Common Room,  
Says, “somebody’s been cursed, somebody stole a broom.”  
Somebody broke into the Ministry, somebody bewitched a car,  
Death Eaters got away, Death Eaters didn’t get to far, yea…  
They didn’t get to far…

Ronnie told Hermione, “listen up my friend,  
“Little Malfoy’s singing is starting to offend.”  
Get all the spells in Hogwarts, and the potions too,  
Round up Draco Malfoy, turn his hair baby-blue  
For all the people to view….

(Chorus):  
Vengeance is one thing you’ll always find,  
In the Gryffindor House, where we draw the hard line.  
When the wand sparks settle, we’ll sing a victory tune,  
And we’ll all meet back at the Hogs Head Saloon.  
We’ll raise up our goblets and drink by the flagon, saying…  
“Whiskey for my friends, beer for my dragons.”

We got too many ‘Mentors sucking people’s souls,  
To much corruption and ministry bull.  
It’s time to haul them all in, and smack them around,  
Send them all to Albus and he’ll settle them down.  
You can bet he’ll settle them down

(Chorus):  
Vengeance is one thing you’ll always find,  
In the Gryffindor House, where we draw the hard line.  
When the wand sparks settle, we’ll sing a victory tune,  
And we’ll all meet back at the Hogs Head Saloon.  
We’ll raise up our goblets and drink by the flagon, saying…  
“Whiskey for my friends, beer for my dragons.”  
Whiskey for my friends, beer for my dragons…

(Chorus):  
Yea, vengeance is one thing you’ll always find,  
In the Gryffindor House, where we draw the hard line.  
When the wand sparks settle, we’ll sing a victory tune,  
And we’ll all meet back at the Hogs Head Saloon.  
We’ll raise up our goblets and drink by the flagon, saying…  
“Whiskey for my friends, beer for my dragons.”  
Yea whiskey for my friends, beer for my dragons.


	3. Book Six Is Finally Here ("The Next Thing On My List" by Toby Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This song is the property of Toby Keith. This parody is purely for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made off of this parody, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

Click on song title to open in new window/tab:

["The Next Thing On My List" by Toby Keith](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqoeMnt4PGQ)

No longer I have to wait,  
The book is finally here today.  
Go to the bank then the big book store,  
Wait in line for an hour or more.  
Watch them scan, I’ll pay in cash, everything is fine,  
Get outside and giggle, oh Lord it’s finally mine…

(Chorus):  
Jump up and down, shed a few tears,  
Half Blood Prince is finally here,  
Call up my friends, just to scream,  
Start our very own Quidditch team,  
Hug it tight, give it a kiss,  
Bask in it’s beautiful bliss,  
Sit on the porch, give Rowlings a prayer,  
Start reading, Book Six is finally here.

Might have changed the plot of things,  
Or she might have kept it all the same,  
There’s nothing I would rather do,  
Then read this new book with you,  
I’d pay for it with a million bucks,  
I’ll take it to my grave,  
I’ll read it till tomorrow,  
My homework will have to wait…

(Chorus):  
Jump up and down, shed a few tears,  
Half Blood Prince is finally here,  
Call up my friends, just to scream,  
Start our very own Quidditch team,  
Hug it tight, give it a kiss,  
Bask in it’s beautiful bliss,  
Sit on the porch, give Rowlings a prayer,  
Start reading, Book Six is finally here.

Laugh when it’s funny, cry when it’s sad,  
Don’t you all love the Potter fad?  
Call up my friends, just to chat,  
About what other chapter we’re at,  
Stay up late, oversleep,  
Read the book in detention this week,  
We’ve waited for two very long years,  
Start reading, Book Six is finally here.

No longer I have to wait,  
The book is finally here today.


	4. Bagman And His Bets ("Benny And The Jets" by Elton John)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Benny And The Jets" is the property of Elton John. This parody is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made off of the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Benny And The Jets" by Elton John](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MQuHRCSQzQ)

Hey folks, stand and shout together,  
A game’s a-going down, who’s gonna bet the winner?  
Bulgaria versus Ireland so-stick around…  
You’re gonna see leprechaun gold falling on the ground…..

(Chorus):  
Say, Fred and George, oh have you seen him yet,  
Oh, he lies and pouts,  
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.  
Oh, he’s kind and deceitful,  
Oh Harry, he’s really keen,  
He’s got a Quidditch suit, knee-high boots,  
Ya know I saw him in a Magazine…  
Yea, ohhhh….  
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.

Hey Folks, dig into your pockets,  
The Gold disappears, there ain’t no way to lock it,  
Ireland will win, but Viktor will take the snitch,  
That’s how we play dirty here in the world of Quidditch….

(Chorus):  
Say, Fred and George, oh have you seen him yet,  
O-o-o, he lies and pouts,  
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.  
Oh, he’s kind and deceitful,  
Oh Harry, he’s really keen,  
He’s got a Quidditch suit, knee-high boots,  
Ya know I saw him in a Magazine…  
Yea, ohhhh….  
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.

(Piano Solo)

(Chorus):  
Oh, Fred and George, oh have you seen him yet,  
Oh, he lies and pouts,  
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.  
Oh, he’s kind and deceitful,  
Oh Harry, he’s really keen,  
He’s got a Quidditch suit, knee-high boots,  
Ya know I saw him in a Magazine…  
Yea, ohhhh….  
B-b-b-Bagman and his bets.

Bagman, bagman and his bets…  
Bagman, Bagman, Bagman, Bagman and his bets…  
Bagman, Bagman, Bagman, Bagman and his bets…  
Bagman, Bagman, Bagman and his bets…  
Bagman, Bagman, Bagman and his bets…  
(fade)


	5. He's Albus Dumbledore ("He's Misstra Know-It-All" by Stevie Wonder)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He's Misstra Know-It-All" is the property of Stevie Wonder. This song parody is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["He's Misstra Know-It-All" by Stevie Wonder](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94_snrtKGt0)

He's a man,  
With a plan,   
Got a twelve inch Birch Wand in his hand,  
He's Albus Dumbledore 

He’s feared,  
He’s revered,  
Got a long white flowing six-foot beard,   
He's Albus Dumbledore 

He can fly,  
What a guy,   
Got a kind little twinkle in his eye,   
He's Albus Dumbledore

Must be seen,  
In his robes,  
What he wears beneath them, no-one knows,  
He's Albus Dumbledore

If you tell him he’s getting to old,  
He will say “why yes, I am,  
If you had my kind of gold,  
You'd have no care that’s worth a damn,” oh 

Oou...oou...oou oou...oou... 

This Castle,  
It is his,   
His only concern is for all the kids,   
He's Albus Dumbledore 

He will pay,  
House Elves too,  
He's the kind of dude that takes care of you,  
He's Albus Dumbeldore

When you tell him the Dark Lord’s back,  
He will come up with a plan,   
And nobody would fear attack,   
If he kicks Voldemort from these lands, oh oh-

Oou...oou...oou oou...oou... 

He's a man,  
With a plan,   
Got a twelve inch Birch Wand in his hand,  
He's Albus Dumbledore. 

Take my word,  
Malfoy beware,  
Of a man who gives Voldemort a scare, yea-  
He's Albus Dumbledore   
(Look out he's coming) 

Dum bum bum ba bum bum,   
Dum bum bum ba bum bum   
Bum bum bum bum bum Say   
He's Albus Dumbledore 

All Wizards  
Praise this man,   
Take your hat off to the man who's got the plan,  
He's Albus Dumbledore. 

All Students shake the hand ,  
Of the man who’s got the plan,  
He's Albus Dumbledore 

Give a hand to the man,  
Don't you know darn well he's got the super plan,  
He's Albus Dumbledore 

Give a hand to the man,  
You know damn well he's got the super plan,  
He's Albus Dumbledore

If we had less of Voldy,  
Don't you know we'd have a better la-a-and,  
He's Albus Dumbledore 

So give a hand to the man,  
Although you've worked as hard as you can   
He's Albus Dumbledore

Check his spells out   
He'll tell it all   
Hey   
Voldemort’s gone and worried me to death   
He's Albus Dumbledore  
(Fade)


	6. Hogwarts School, Give Me Tools ("Take Me Home, Country Roads" by John Denver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take Me Home, Country Roads" is the property of John Denver. The use of this song is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Take Me Home, Country Roads" by John Denver](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vrEljMfXYo)

Always Heaven, Quidditch field,  
Hogwarts castle, Forbidden Forest.  
Life is weird there, weirder than Voldy,  
Weirder than a giant, uprooting every tree.

(Chorus):  
Hogwarts School, give me tools,  
To fight evil, so I can live!  
Ginny Weasley, my little sweetie  
Hogwarts School, give me tools.

All my memories, gather round her,  
Red-haired lady, taken by the Dark Lord.  
Dark and dusty, Chamber of Secrets,  
Rescued her from Voldy, showed that evil git.

(Chorus):  
Hogwarts School, give me tools,  
To fight evil, so I can live!  
Ginny Weasley, my little sweetie  
Hogwarts School, give me tools.

I heard a bird, in the Chamber, a Phoenix,  
Fawks brought me Godric’s sword from Great Dumbledore.  
Taking the diary I stabbed it through and killed Tom Riddle, the Dark Lord,  
The Dark Lord…

(Chorus):  
Hogwarts School, give me tools,  
To fight evil, so I can live!  
Ginny Weasley, my little sweetie  
Hogwarts School, give me tools.  
Hogwarts School, give me tools,  
To fight evil, so I can live!  
Ginny Weasley, my little sweetie  
Hogwarts School, give me tools.  
Hogwarts School, give me tools.  
Hogwarts School, give me tools.


	7. Another Day In Potions Class ("Another Day In Paradise" by Phil Collins)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Another Day In Paradise" is the property of Phil Collins. The use of this song is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Another Day In Paradise" by Phil Collins](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVXkZ_YNprI)

He calls my name with his usual sneer,  
“Potter, you are late.”  
“I will take away all your cheer,  
Ten points I think I will take.”  
He calls on, ignores dirty looks,  
He pretends he can’t see them.  
I start to open my thick Potions book,  
Guess he’s wood that will not bend.

(Chorus):  
Oh, work fast,  
It’s just another day for you and me in Potions Class,  
Oh, work fast,  
It’s just another day for you-  
You and me in Potions Class.

Just think about it…

He walks over to Longbottom’s chair,  
His beetles have been frying.  
Thick black smoke billows into the air,  
Snape fails him for trying.

(Chorus):  
Oh, work fast,  
It’s just another day for you and me in Potions Class,  
Oh, work fast,  
It’s just another day for you-  
You and me in Potions Class.

Just think about it…

Oh no!  
Is there anything that Dumbledore can do?  
Oooohhhh no!  
There must be a curse that you can say!

You can tell why he hates me so much,  
You see, my father teased him.  
Probably been teased till his brain went to mush,  
Because he just didn’t fit in.

(Chorus):  
Oh, work fast,  
It’s just another day for you and me in Potions Class,  
Oh, work fast,  
It’s just another day for you-  
You and me in Potions Class.

Just think about it…  
Just think about it…

It’s just another day for you and me-  
Potions Class  
Just another day for you and me-  
Potions Class…Potions, Potions Class…  
Just another day for you and me-  
Potions Class…  
(Fade)


	8. I'm Your Seeker/Closer To Insanity ("I'm Your Captain/Closer To Home" by Grand Funk Railroad)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm Your Captain/Closer To Home" is the property of Grand Funk Railroad. This song is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["I'm Your Captain/Closer To Home" by Grand Funk Railroad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8MYsii4DZY)

Everybody, listen to me,  
And return me, my broom.  
I’m your Seeker, I’m your Seeker,  
Although I’m feeling mighty gloom.

We have lost now, games uncounted,  
And it’s months since I have played.  
Can you please leave, can you please leave,  
Or are you here to stay?

If you return me, my broomstick,  
I will kiss you Umbridge.  
Give it back now, give it back now,  
Please quite being, such a bitch.

Am I going really insane? You are really a big pain,  
Taking my broom away from me…

You’d better think about it; you are the biggest git.  
So, please don’t take my broom from me.  
Yeah, yeah, yeah ...

I can hear the voice, of the Dark Lord,  
And it’s screaming in my head.  
Albus help me, Albus help me,  
Take this Dark Lord, make him dead.

I’m your Seeker, I’m your Seeker,  
Although I’m feeling mighty gloom.  
Everybody, listen to me,  
And return me, my broom.

I’m your Seeker, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  
I’m your Seeker, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  
I’m your Seeker, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  
I’m your Seeker, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I’m getting closer to insanity  
I’m getting closer to insanity  
I’m getting closer to insanity  
I’m getting closer to insanity  
Ohhhh

I’m getting closer to insanity   
I’m getting closer to insanity   
I’m getting closer to insanity   
I’m getting closer to insanity   
(fade)


	9. Curse ("Hook" by Blues Traveler)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hook" is the property of Blues Traveler. This song is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Hook" by Blues Traveler](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa6rq9bZCrY)

Doesn’t matter what I say,  
Long as I wave my wand well.  
It makes you feel that I convey,  
Some inner truth of vast evil.  
But I’ve cursed nothing so far,  
I can keep it up for as long as it takes.  
And it don’t matter who you are,  
If you’re doing a curse, it’s my resolve that breaks-

(Chorus)  
Because the curse killed you, Black  
I ain’t telling you no lie-ie…  
The curse killed you, Black  
On that you can’t deny-y-y…

There is something amiss,  
I am feeling misery.  
In fact I don’t see-any of them,  
They’ve gone to Department of Mysteries.  
Confused the image within his head,  
Playing hero, rescue me,  
Oh Lord how he’s not yet dead,  
I hope he gets a hold his prophecy,

(Chorus)  
Because the curse killed you, Black  
I ain’t telling you no lie-ie…  
The curse killed you, Black  
On that you can’t deny-y-y…

(Harmonica Solo)

be coy be coy be coy   
If you’re Lucius Malfoy or Gilderoy  
Make a desperate move to kill the boy, then  
Begin to see what you’re doin’ to me  
This prophecy is not for free  
It’s so deadly it’s killing me  
So desperately I cry to thee  
Sirius-  
Oh, also rage and pain and hate and fear of elves  
I can’t keep this prophecy on the shelf  
I’ve tried, and Voldy knows I’ve lied  
Could be my own suicide  
But I’ve got to much pride inside to hide  
Or cry  
I’ll do as I’ll decide  
And let me fly till I’ve died and only then shall I abide this tide  
Of catchy little spells  
Of hip three minute hexes  
I wanna bust all your cauldrons I wanna burn the Whomping Willow to the ground  
I’ve found out what it’s about  
And now I’ll play, then hey  
Wouldn’t want to go down this way  
So I’ll say a prayer for that’s really all this was  
For feelings that I keep inside  
I know my godfather died because the-

(Chorus)  
Curse killed you, Black  
I ain’t telling you no lie-ie…  
The curse….oh, yeah….  
On that you can’t deny-y-y…


	10. Thank God I'm A Wizard Boy ("Thank God I'm A Country Boy" by John Summers ft. John Denver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank God I'm A Country Boy" is the property of John Summers and John Denver. This song is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Thank God I'm A Country Boy" by John Summers ft. John Denver](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRuCPS_-_IA)

Well, life in the school is kinda laid back,  
Ain’t nothing’ this wizard boy sure can’t attack  
Learnin’ to fly, soarin’ the sky,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy

Well a simple wizard life ain’t do me no harm,  
Protectin’ my family with a simple charm,  
Dumbledore’s givin’ me reason to alarm,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

(Chorus)  
Well I got me a broomstick,  
Got me House Elf,  
Got a test comin’ up,  
And Ronnie needs help.  
Snape get rid o’ those potions on the shelf,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

When my work’s all done in the great Common Room,  
I go out to the field flyin’ high on my broom,  
Don’t worry ya’ all, ‘cause I’ll be back soon,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

I’d fly all day, from morn’ till noon,  
Dumbledore, Madam Hooch wouldn’t take it very good.  
So I fly when I can, work when I should,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

(Chorus)  
Well I got me a broomstick,  
Got me House Elf,  
Got a test comin’ up,  
And Ronnie needs help.  
Snape get rid o’ those potions on the shelf,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

(WHOOOOOO!!!) [Fiddle starts up]

Well I wouldn’t trade my broom for diamonds or jewels,  
I’ve never ever been one of those dark arts fools,  
They killed my father and my momma too,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

Ministry officials in a black limousine,  
And Fudge is thinking’ “I’m better than a king!”  
He is the biggest git I’ve ever seen,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

(Chorus)  
Well I got me a broomstick,  
Got me House Elf,  
Got a test comin’ up,  
And Ronnie needs help.  
Snape get rid o’ those potions on the shelf,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.  
Yaaahhhoooooo!

I was with my daddy on the night he died,  
“The boy will live,” the Dark Lord lied.  
I went to the Dursley’s, thought I might’ve cried,  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

Well my daddy fought Voldy like some muggle fool,  
But my momma, bless her heart, she kept her cool,  
Now I’m livin’ free in a wizard schooooooooooooolll….  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy.

(Chorus)  
Well I got me a broomstick,  
Got me House Elf,  
Got a test comin’ up,  
And Ronnie needs help.  
Snape get rid o’ those potions on the sheeeeeeeeeeelllllllllfffff,  
WHOO!  
Thank God I’m a wizard boy, yeah!


	11. Witchin' ("Truckin'" by Jerry Garcia and The Grateful Dead)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Truckin'" is the property of Jerry Garcia and The Grateful Dead. This song is used for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Truckin'" by Jerry Garcia and The Grateful Dead](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pafY6sZt0FE)

Witchin' - got my spells cast in,  
I mean Witchin', just like Ginny can.  
Together, everybody's fine, just keep Witchin' on.

Arrows of light and flashing spells out on Diagon Street.  
Dudley, Snape, Voldy and all the usual creeps.  
Your typical witch involved in a typical daydream,  
Hang up your robes and see what tomorrow brings.

Ginny, oh you're mighty fine,  
Harry, oh baby you are mine,  
McGunagall's got the ways and means; but just won't let you be.

Most of the students that you meet in the rooms speak of true love,  
Most of the time they're brewing a potion at home.  
One of these days they know they better get goin'  
And pass their NEWT's or they're gonna be Witchin' alone.

Witchin', the way that Ginny can,  
Harry told Voldy "You've got to play your hand"  
Sometimes your cards ain't worth a Knut, if you don't lay'em down.

Sometimes the spell's all shinin' on Ginny;  
Other times it can then be Harry.  
Lately it occurres to me; what a long school year it's been.

What in the world ever became of sweet Gin?  
She lost her true love, you know she isn't the same  
Livin' on Fred's curing potion and Ron's games,  
All Harry can say is "Ain't it a shame?"

Witchin', up to Diagon,  
Been thinkin', you got to talk to Ron,  
Takes time, you need a broomstick to go, and just keep Witchin' on.

Sittin' and starin' out of the Common Room window.  
Got a tip Voldy's gonna kick the door in again.  
I'd like to get some sleep before I battle,  
But if you got a curse, I guess you're gonna come in.

Busted, down on Hogsmeade Street,  
Set up, like a muggle geek,  
Cursed down, spells get to wearin' thin,  
They just won't let you be.

You're sick of hangin' around and you'd like to battle;  
Get tired of Witchin' and you want to settle down.  
Guess Voldy can't revoke your soul for tryin',  
Get out of the room and curse out and look all around.

Sometimes the spell's all shinin' on Ginny;  
Other times it can then be Harry.  
Lately it occurres to me; what a long, school year it's been.

Witchin', I'm a goin' home. Whoa whoa Harry, baby here I come,  
Back home, to the Burrow I go, and get back Witchin' on.  
Hey now get back Witchin' home.


	12. The Wizard ("The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Boxer" is the property of Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. This song is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3LFML_pxlY)

I am just a poor boy, though I'm beaten by a Dudley,  
I have squandered my resistance,  
For a pocket full of magic, such as hexes.  
All lies in jest, till the good years,  
Where he has no fear and disregards the rest.

When I left my home and my family,  
I was no more than a boy, in the company of wizards,  
In the quiet downtown railway station, nine and three quarters.  
Laying low, seeking out the evil death eaters, and Lord Voldemort.  
Looking for the places only they would go.

Lie Lie Lie...(Continues)

Asking only wizard wages, I come looking for a job,  
But I get no offers,  
Just a "c'mon" from the Hogwarts school of Wizardry.  
I do declare, there were times when I had so much fun, I took some comfort there, Lie Lie Lie...

Lie Lie Lie...(Continue)

And I'm laying out my Hogwart's robes, and wishing I was born, going home  
To the Weasley house that Ginny calls The Burrow....  
Burrrrrrooooooowwwwwwwww, going home....

In the clearing stands a wizard, and a fighter by his trade  
As he carries the reminders, of every spell that laid him down,  
And cut him till he cried out.  
In his anger and his shame,  
I am leaving, I am leaving, but the wizard still remains.  
Hmmmmm, Hmmmmm, Hmmmmm....

Lie Lie Lie...(continues seven times, then ends).


	13. Hagrid's Feather Bed ("Grandma's Feather Bed" by John Denver)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Grandma's Feather Bed" is the property of John Denver. This song is for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made from the use of this song and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Grandma's Feather Bed" by John Denver](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2icqB1la9hw)

When I was an itty bitty boy,  
Just got in Hogwarts,  
We used to go out to Hagrid’s cabin,  
The trip to it was short.  
He’d give us food, Treacle Fudge, Homemade rock-hard bread,  
But the best darn thing about Hagrid’s cabin  
Was the great big feather bed.

(Chorus)  
It was nine feet high, six feet wide,  
Soft as a Hippogriff.  
It was made from the feathers of four phoenixes,  
Took a whole roll of cloth for a tick.  
It could hold eight kids, one bore hound,  
Little owl we stole from the shed.  
Didn’t get much sleep but we had a lot of fun  
On Hagrid’s feather bed.

After tea we’d sit around the fire,  
The fudge was, hard to chew.  
Ron would talk about dragon hoards,  
Hermy’d rattle on ‘bout SPEW.  
I’d sit, listen, watch the fire  
Till my rear end felt like lead.  
Next thing I’d do is start a pillow fight,  
In the middle of the old feather bed.

(Chorus)  
It was nine feet high, six feet wide,  
Soft as a Hippogriff.  
It was made from the feathers of four phoenixes,  
Took a whole roll of cloth for a tick.  
It could hold eight kids, one bore hound,  
Little owl we stole from the shed.  
Didn’t get much sleep but we had a lot of fun  
On Hagrid’s feather bed.

Yeah!

Well I loved my ma, loved my pa,  
Even loved little Dobby to.  
Would fight with my uncle, wrestled with my cousin,  
I even kissed Petunia…EEEEWWWWW!  
But if I ever had to make a choice, I guess it outta be said,  
I’d trade it all bein’ friends with Draco,  
For Hagrid’s feather bed.  
Yeah, and I’d trade it all bein’ friends with Draco…….  
(Pauses for a moment and considers, clapping dies down)  
Well, maybe I’d better reconsider bein’ friends with Draco…

(Chorus)  
It was nine feet high, six feet wide,  
Soft as a Hippogriff.  
It was made from the feathers of four phoenixes,  
Took a whole roll of cloth for a tick.  
It could hold eight kids, one bore hound,  
Little owl we stole from the shed.  
Didn’t get much sleep but we had a lot of fun  
On Hagrid’s feather bed.  
Didn’t get much sleep but we had a lot of fun  
On Hagrid’s feather bed.


	14. Gryffindor Rock ("Crocodile Rock" by Elton John)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Crocodile Rock" is the property of Elton John. No money is being made from the use of the song here, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Crocodile Rock" by Elton John](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS-YZlJLCbM)

I remember when I was young.   
Me and Ginny had so much fun.  
Holdin’ hands and skimmin’ stones,  
Had an old house elf and a broom of my own.

But the biggest kick I ever got,  
Was doin’ a thing called the Gryffindor Rock.  
While the other kids were working’ ‘round the clock,  
We were hopin’ and boppin’ to the Gryffindor Rock.

Well-

Try brewin’ a shocking potion,  
When your beetles just won’t stay still.  
I never knew me better time,  
And I guess I never will.  
Oh, The Yule Ball on a Friday night,  
Ginny wore her dress and tights,  
Well-  
The Yule Ball was rockin’ on all night-ight-ight.

Well the years went by and Cedric died,  
Hermione left Ronnie for some foreign guy.  
Long nights crying in the Gryffindor Room,  
Dreamin’ of Hermione and his racing broom.

But it never killed the thrills we got,  
Livin’ up to the Gryffindor Rock.  
Livin’ fast as the weeks went past,  
We really thought the Gryffindor Rock would last,

Well-

Try brewin’ a shocking potion,  
When your beetles just won’t stay still.  
I never knew me better time,  
And I guess I never will.  
Oh, The Yule Ball on a Friday night,  
Ginny wore her dress and tights,  
Well-  
The Yule Ball was rockin’ on all night-ight-ight.

I remember when I was young.  
Me and Ginny had so much fun.  
Holdin’ hands and skimmin’ stones,  
Had an old house elf and a broom of my own.

But the biggest kick I ever got,  
Was doin’ a thing called the Gryffindor Rock.  
While the other kids were working’ ‘round the clock,  
We were hopin’ and boppin’ to the Gryffindor Rock.

Well-

Try brewin’ a shocking potion,  
When your beetles just won’t stay still.  
I never knew me better time,  
And I guess I never will.  
Oh, The Yule Ball on a Friday night,  
Ginny wore her dress and tights,  
Well-  
The Yule Ball was rockin’ on all night-ight-ight.


	15. Quidditch Star ("Shooting Star" by Bad Company)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shooting Star" is the property of Bad Company. No money is being made from using this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Shooting Star" by Bad Company](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaZZRrWxAN8)

Harry was a school boy  
When he bought his first racing broom  
A Firebolt I think it was, always kept it in the Common Room  
Had himself a field, where he practiced every night  
Now he’s in a Quidditch outfit, and everything’s alright  
Don’t you know…  
Harry told Molly,  
“Hey Molly I’m going away,  
“Gonna play Quidditch, gonna be a big star some day,” yea  
Ginny came to the door, with a tear drop in her eye,  
Harry said “don’t cry Ginny,” he just smiled and waved goodbye.

(Chorus)  
Don’t ya know? Yeah, hey-  
Don’t you know that you are a Quidditch Star?  
Don’t ya know? Don’t ya know?  
Don’t you know that you are a Quidditch Star?  
And all the world will love you, just as long-  
As long as you aaaaaaarrrrreeeee…..

Harry won the World Cup, which still is on display,  
Suddenly everyone loved to go and watch him play.  
Watching the game play on, surprised it goes so fast  
Harry looks around him and says “well I’ve made the big time at last.”

(Chorus)  
Don’t ya know? Don’t ya know?  
Don’t you know that you are a Quidditch Star?  
Don’t you knowwwwooowwwwoooooowwww yeah,  
Don’t you know that you are a Quidditch Star? Yeah,  
And all the world will love you just as long-  
As long as you aaaaarrrrrreeeee….a Quidditch Star!

(Guitar solo starts up, repeat chorus)

Harry died one night, died in a game  
Did a nose dive as his head lanced through with pain  
Harry’s life passed us by like a warm summer’s day  
If you ever see ghost you can still watch him play

(Repeat Chorus, fades and ends)


	16. The Angry Minster/Brought to you courtesy of Cornelius Fudge ("The Angry American/Brought to you courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Angry American" is the property of Toby Keith. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["The Angry American/Brought to you courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mn3f-8fHTVs)

(Told from the POV of Cornelius Fudge):

Wizarding Girls, and Wizarding Guys  
Come all and gather around me; come all and- hear my lies  
You see, Albus is lying; Voldemort’s dead  
And we lean on the Prophet so that you don’t have to dread.  
Moody had served in the Ministry, he lost his right eye,  
But now he’s gone to Dumbledore, he’s gone and picked his side.  
He wanted Dolores-Jane Umbridge, Percy and me,  
To hand over all the power of my Ministry.  
Now this office that I love has fallen under attack,  
A mighty Dumbledore came flying in with Potter at his back.  
Till we can see clearly, we’ll make up some lies,  
We’ll align ourselves with Voldemort’s allies…

(Chorus)  
Hey Dumbledore, got your name at the top of my list,  
And Dolores Umbridge has gone a-shaking her fist.  
And the Prophet will lie, man there’s gonna be hell,  
When you hear Percy Weasley start ringing the bell.  
And if you find the truth about Voldy, please don’t hold a grudge,  
Oh, brought to you courtesy, of Cornelius Fudge.

Oh,Voldemort will rise and the truth will be found,  
Hagrid will be a-coming with is great boar hound,  
We’ll be sorry that we lied, I’ll look like a clown….  
They’ll put a boot in our ass, and kick us right out of town.

(Chorus)  
Hey Dumbledore, got your name at the top of my list,  
And Dolores Umbridge has gone a-shaking her fist.  
And the Prophet will lie, man there’s gonna be hell,  
When you hear Percy Weasley start ringing the bell.  
And if you find the truth about Voldy, please don’t hold a grudge,  
Oh, brought to you courtesy, of Cornelius Fudge.  
Of Cornelius Fudge  
Of Cornelius Fudge


	17. Eve Of Detention ("Eve Of Destruction" by Barry McGuire)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Eve Of Destruction" is the property of Barry McGuire. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Eve Of Destruction" by Barry McGuire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntLsElbW9Xo)

(Told from the POV of Harry Potter):

This Class Room,  
It is too stuffy,  
Sitting here ‘cause,  
I didn’t study.  
Umbridge looks at me, her face all ruddy,  
“You can’t speak of the Dark Lord to any of your buddies,”  
Now the back of my hand’s all-  
Friggin’ bloody.  
But ya-

(Chorus)  
Tell me, over and over and over again, my friend-  
How ya don’t believe, we’re on the eve-  
Of detention

Don’t ya understand what is going on here?  
Can’t you see Umbridge is a-pain in the rear?  
If only I could leave, I wouldn’t have no fear,  
They’ll be so much to cheer-  
With the end coming near.  
Take a look around you dear, it all seems pretty clear,  
But ya-

(Chorus)  
Tell me, over and over and over again, my friend-  
How ya don’t believe, we’re on the eve-  
Of detention

Yea, Umbridge’s so mad  
Her decrees are a-failin’  
I’m sitting here, just patiently waitin’  
She can’t face the truth: the Dark Lord’s been a-baitin’  
And the foolish minister thinks I am a-fakin’  
And truth itself is fully awakin’,  
My wizard’s respect is disintegrating,  
This boring classroom is just to frustrating  
And ya-

(Chorus)  
Tell me, over and over and over again, my friend-  
How ya don’t believe, we’re on the eve-  
Of detention

To think of being late,  
It‘s giving me great chills,  
She gives me a glare,  
As if looks could kill.  
You may’ve come here,  
To take over this place,  
But when Albus returns,  
He’ll take back his own space.  
Your cuttin’ black quill,  
Your big toadish face,  
You can step aside now,  
The poltergeist will give chase,  
Till that great day comes,  
I’ll just stick to my old ways,  
And ya-

(Chorus)  
Tell me, over and over and over and over again my friend,  
Ya don’t believe, we’re on the eve of detention,  
No no ya don’t believe, we’re on the eve of detention.


	18. Wizard Man ("Rocket Man" by Elton John)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rocket Man" is the property of Elton John. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Rocket Man" by Elton John](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LX7WrHCaUA)

I packed my trunks last night,  
Preflight-  
Headed out, 9 a.m.  
And I’m gonna take flight-igh-ight,  
That’s what life’s like man.  
I miss Sirius so much, he saved my life,  
It’s lonely now, this place.  
After such a ti-i-imeless fight…

(Chorus)  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
Till touch down brings me ‘round again to find-  
I’m not the man they think I am at home,  
No, no, no, no…  
I’m a Wizard Man,  
Wizard Maaaaaaaaaaannnn-  
Ridin’ on his broom up here alone.

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
Till touch down brings me ‘round again to find-  
I’m not the man they think I am at home,  
No, no, no, no…  
I’m a Wizard Man,  
Wizard Maaaaaaaaaaannnn-  
Ridin’ on his broom up here alone.

Sirius was the kind of guy to raise a kid,  
He’s been through so much hell,  
And I was not there to save him,  
Now he’s dead.  
But all this violence, I don’t understand,  
It’s just a small jar on the shelf,  
A prophecy-y-y-y,  
Prophecy….

(Chorus)  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
Till touch down brings me ‘round again to find-  
I’m not the man they think I am at home,  
No, no, no, no…  
I’m a Wizard Man,  
Wizard Maaaaaaaaaaannnn-  
Ridin’ on his broom up here alone.

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
Till touch down brings me ‘round again to find-  
I’m not the man they think I am at home,  
No, no, no, no…  
I’m a Wizard Man,  
Wizard Maaaaaaaaaaannnn-  
Ridin’ on his broom up here alone.

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,  
(Fade out)


	19. Potions Man ("Piano Man" by Billy Joel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Piano Man" is the property of Billy Joel. No money is being made from the use of this song, and no copy-write infringement is intended.

["Piano Man" by Billy Joel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaUyJyPekJE)

It’s nine o’ clock Tuesday morning,  
Fifth year crowd shuffles in,  
There’s the Potter boy standing next to me,  
Giving me his most fearful grin.

He says “Snape, please have mercy upon me,  
A ghoul ate yesterday’s assignment.”  
I give him a glare, one thing I won’t spare,  
Is giving him another punishment.

Laaalaaalaa-dibby-daaaaaaa….  
Laaalaaa-dibby-daaaaaaa daa daa…..

(Chorus):  
Brew us a brew, you’re the Potions man,  
Brew us a brew today,  
Well we’re not in the mood for detention,  
We’re just not feeling okay.

Now Ron in the middle is a Weasley,  
Never does what he’s told,  
His brothers George and Fred, I’ll soon make them dead,  
And their mother looks a hundred years old.

He says “Snape, I believe this is killing me,”  
But all I do is give him a smile,  
“Where have you been? You smell like a trash bin,  
I suppose you’ll be here for a while.”

Oh, Laaalaaalaa-dibby-daaaaaaa….  
Laaalaaa-dibby-daaaaaaa daa daa…..

Now Lupin is our resident werewolf,  
Never keeps a woman in his life.  
Because pretty soon, there’s gonna be a full moon,  
And last time, he ate his own wife.

And Hermione is practicing magic tricks,  
And Longbottom is stroking his toad,  
But their sharing some help out of friendliness,  
It makes me want to gag a huge load.

(Chorus):  
Brew us a brew, you’re the Potions man,  
Brew us a brew today,  
Well we’re not in the mood for detention,  
We’re just not feeling okay.

It’s a pretty good class for a Tuesday,  
As the Dark Lord gives me a smile,  
Cause he knows that it’s me, and Slytherins all agree,  
Who’s going to kill Harry in a while.

And the uproar sounds like a banshee,  
As the potions spill everywhere,  
Oh well, I guess, this is my life at best,  
I need to get the hell out of here.

Oh, Laaalaaalaa-dibby-daaaaaaa….  
Laaalaaalaa-dibby-daaaaaaa daa daa…..

(Chorus):  
Brew us a brew, you’re the Potions man,  
Brew us a brew today,  
Well we’re not in the mood for detention,  
We’re just not feeling okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading! Comments are greatly appreciated. Let me know which songs you liked the best.


End file.
